Tumble Me.

I’ve noticed that I have much more affinity for Twitter than for any other social platform. It’s quick, easy and I don’t have to invest much into it. I don’t have anything too terribly interesting to say, so my Tumblr will essentially be my upgraded Twitter. Twitter Plus. Twitter on Steroids. I may not have anything important to say, but just in case you’re curious what Buttercup did last night (ate my granola) or what the weather is like in San Diego (gloomy and overcast) then I can provide that.

Ok, so I lied. Blogging’s just not for me.

Upon instruction from my therapist (Yeah, I have a therapist, what? You have a problem with that?) I’m going to make a stronger effort to start writing again, even if it’s about the mundane banality of each day. I honestly have been dealing with quite a bit of anxiety and stress lately and seem to be faltering under all of the pressure.

I’m about to buy a house condo. I understand that I’m supposed to be excited—happy even—but I’m not I’m just terrified. The prospect of taking on all of this responsibilty myself keeps me up at night. I have no idea where to begin packing up all of my belongings, things I’ve collected over years of living on my own. On one hand I want to shed all the trappings of my past, but I just can’t bring myself to toss that old psychology text book. What if I need it one day, just in case? I have to pack, move, repair and decorate this condo all alone. How could I possibly do that without going insane.

This big financial achievement is supposed to make me fufilled, but what’s the point of it all if I have no one to share it with? My family’s not speaking to me, my friends don’t even like me (and I get the sneaking suspiscion that they only have me out of some distorted sense of obligation), my work is consuming me whole with the most insane deadlines I’ve ever faced and my dog doesn’t even like me. At the end of the day, what do I have left? An empty, half-decorated condo and myself. So much for living a fulfilled life.

Enough of my emo-whining crap though.

The Four Noble Truths

1. Life means suffering.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

1. Life means suffering.

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a “self” which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call “self” is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely “wandering on the wheel of becoming”, because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.

(Source: http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/fourtruths.html)

Is it possible to care too much?

Goals:

1. Have a sucessful career that I can be proud of.
   1. Expand END2 productions
   2. Become top marketing executive
   3. Continue to consult and provide strategy
2. Go back to school
   1. Find time for classes
   2. Just get it over with!
3. Own my home
   1. Saving for down payment
   2. Long term financial stability
4. Travel through Asia
   1. Or Africa, South America, Europe
   2. By myself (?)
5. Re-Visit “Students for Community Action”
   1. Or something similar
   2. Get back into working with youth

I guess I have to get cracking.

life always has a way of never going as planned. you can plan, you can hope and you can wish, but that never seems to be enough. you can’t predict anything. i guess as a buddhist it’s time for me to recognize that life is suffering and to embrace that for what it is.